Raisins

Do you like raisins?

You do?

Well, how nice.

You see, there are those of us who don't like raisins that have to live in your raisin-loving world.

What mass-hypnosis is at play when the phrase "plump, juicy raisins" is used to describe what are in reality dried-out, bitter, ersatz rabbit turds.

I can understand if you raisin-lovers want to eat chocolate-covered raisins. At least we sane people know that there are raisins in chocolate-covered raisins and can avoid them.

It is the stealth application of raisins that is objectionable.

"Hey, Craig, how'd you like a delicious, home-made oatmeal cookie?"

"Wow! Sure! M-m-m... oatmeal, brown sugar, butter. Let me at 'em!"

Craig takes a bite.

"BLEAAAHHH! This otherwise perfect cookie is loaded with disgusting, leathery grape corpses! Excuse me while I go eat some driveway gravel to get the taste out of my mouth."

Now substitute any of the following for the above-mentioned oatmeal cookie:

• Rice Pudding
• Sweet Roll
• Carrot Cake
• Bran Muffins
  
• Coffee Cake
• Anything else that would be 1,000,000% better without raisins in it

Yep, this is a cold, hostile world for a non-raisin-lover.